A Glance into her Mind - Zethrion's Blood (part 4)

"I am lying on my back with my arms and legs straightened out, my head turned to the side, towards the river. I wish I could be staring up at the sky, but the blood coming to my mouth would keep stopping in my throat. I barely had any sleep tonight. Not just because of the pain and coughing. No. If I fell asleep, who knows if I would have awakened at all. I am so tired of everything. I am so tired the pain, at its final stages, does not even bother me anymore. Too tired to cough. Too tired to groan or scream in pain. Why do I have to be so stubborn? In a way, I wish I could just end it all... I wish they would all just let me go... I wish I would just let myself go... But...

How could I die after everything I had told her? She said she believed in me. She believes in my strength, my will to stay alive. I promised I would not die. I promised her we will get to the end of this. We. Together. I sounded so convincing. I was supposed to die this night... But I still live. Somewhat. I told her we would talk today. Do I even have the strength to talk? Am I even really alive? I wish she was here to answer that for me. No. I do not want her to see me in this state. And if I am dead? She would be sad. She would hate me for not being true to my words. I can not be dead... or... or am I... was I... really all talk?

Talk, talk, talk... I have been talking so much in the past few days. And what have I done? Nothing. I talked, I shouted, I threatened, I... tried to comfort. And I have done nothing of all I had said. Am I really that horrible?

Am I...? Or was I...? I have no idea how I should think about myself. Should I think of myself as something in the past, or... or am I still alive? I do not know. I wonder how it feels to be dead. Does it even feel like... anything? I feel numb... yet, in a way... it feels so comfortable. I wonder if my corpse shows obviously what a pathetic death I have died. I wish I could have died in battle. Like a warrior. Instead, I died like a weakling... a coward... waiting for death, unable to do anything. I could have gone to take the necklace from the House of Asgard and try to get into that strange realm, somehow. Attempt to battle Imortal. To bring Zethrion back. Even if I had no chance. But, no. I decided to do none of that. I chose to stay with her. Maelthe...

I felt so comfortable with her. I liked talking to her. She was singing... singing... I wish I could hear her sing right now... I wish she would sing for me again... She was... Like a loving mother. Not like my mother was... that was different. Maelthe made me feel like a little girl... and I felt so safe and comfortable by her side. I guess somewhere deep inside I always wanted a mother like that... Thank you, Maelthe, for making it true. At least in the end I know how that feels. It felt so nice and warm. I wish I could tell her... Just these two words... 'Thank you'. Thank you... I... I feel so cold...

Nasher? Brother...?

'Be strong, sister. Live strong.'

What? What in the hells am I thinking? I can not be dead! Am I really giving up just like that? That easily? Damn it Nashara, wake up! Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP! If I could, I would beat you so hard you would not fall asleep for years! Maelthe! I promised! I will not die! I told you, we will do this together! I do not care if those cursed things eat away all of my insides! I will not die if Imortal himself rips my heart out! Not until I have dealt with all of this!

Nashara... You are pissing me off. WAKE THE HELL UP, DAMN IT!

I will drag myself out of the deepest parts of hell! I refuse to die! I will NOT die! Not like this, that is for sure. I said I would talk to Maelthe again! I decided I will talk to Caspian! I must give Tyrnan an answer! I must bring Zethrion back! And that idiot, Meos, better be still alive! I do not feel like dragging him out of hell with me, but I will if I have to! And I have yet to make my Father proud. And my Mother. And... Nasher. And... I have to kill any immortals that cross my path.

Did I hear... a cough? Someone coughed... Through the soothing sound of the river rushing nearby, I heard a cough. A chuckle? I feel something tickling the corner of my mouth. Of course.... Blood. A mix of saliva and blood was dripping through the corner of my half open mouth. Dripping down into the small pool of the same mixture my head was resting in. The pain is getting sharper and stronger. I think I have been lying around and wasting time for long enough. I must... gather all my strength.

I grab onto the ground, pushing my fingers deep inside and slowly pull myself towards the water. I get close enough to dip my head into the cold water, to wash off all of the blood. It feels refreshing. I would get in for a swim like the day before, but... I could not get out of the water this time. And... I already feel cold enough. Gah! Not again with these pitiful thoughts!

I am a warrior! And I will die in battle! I refuse to die a pitiful death such as this! I groan and I cough as I struggle with all my strength to get back on my feet. My knees feel weak. I take the sword off my back and crush it downwards into the ground, leaning on it for support. I chuckle.

'Besides, who would wield you around if I died just like this? I can not leave you to rust beside me as my corpse rots, can I?'

I raise my head, tip it all the way back and look at the sky for a moment.

'Sorry, Brother. I miss you and I really do want to see you again. But it is not the time yet. We shall not meet anytime soon.'

A grin crosses my face.

'Why am I even apologizing to you? You helped me stay here, stay away from you. You know far better than I do. Thank you, Brother. I never told you this... but I love you.'

Now... I must gather myself. Gather some strength. Stop shaking. Stand strong. Ignore the pain. I can not show myself to Maelthe in this pitiful state. It would only make her worry more...

A weakened shout comes through my mouth. 'Nasher!'. My strong and faithful companion is quickly by my side. I wrap my arms around his neck.

'Sorry Nasher, I have not been spending much time with you lately. Thank you for bearing with me, boy."


The following article actually happened live but is from the soul account of the owner and as a result may or may not be a accurate representation of events. However details and emotions described above are all in keeping with the owner’s character and how they perceived the progression of events unfold.

Story written by Nashara, Clan Fearghal
www.clanfearghal.com